My journey to spirituality: years of struggle confusion and clarity
by Tania Molina
I was born and raised in San Pedro Sula, Honduras, lived in the Boston and am currently living in The Bronx, New York. My heritage is Garifuna; an afro Indigenous group that was exiled from the Island of Saint Vincent and the Grenadines on March 11th, 1797, and arrived in Roatan, Honduras April 12th, 1797. My dad, Ladislao Molina Lacayo, graduated from the University of Santiago in Cuba back in the early seventies with a degree in History of Economic Thought. He worked as a professor at the Regional University of San Pedro Sula. He was a man who loved Marx, Che Guevara and named me Tania as tribute to Tania Bunke the guerilla soldier who helped Che in Bolivia. My mom, Cristina Jimenez was an X-Ray technician and worked for the state Hospital. My dad was very much involved with his community. He used to write editorials in El Tiempo newspaper denouncing the abuses and absence of the government towards Garifuna territories. This issue still exists to this day. Both of my parents, who are now deceased, loved our culture. However, I was never deeply exposed to our spiritual traditions. It was in later years that I decided to seek answers about things that happened to me that I could not explain.
As a kid I always felt a little different, I felt more sensitive to things unseen. I remember one dream I had while staying at my grandmother’s house in Ceiba, a town in the north coast of Honduras. It was with my grandmother’s sister. She was cooking in a hut outside her house, making a coconut milk-based tortilla in Garifuna we call it fobulo. It was such a vivid dream that it made an impact on me. That same morning my aunt came to our house. She told us her mom had been in the hospital for some time and the doctors could not find a way to cure her. I told her my dream and she told us that she was going to consult with the Buyei, a Garifuna spiritual shaman who connects with the ancestors. Once she consulted, we had to do a ceremony called Chugu which is a small tribute to the ancestors and family members need to participate. We all had to sleep in the ceremonial hut. The next day after the ceremony was done the Buyei lit a table with fire that went all the way to the ceiling. She tapped the table with her hand and stopped the fire. The high flames meant the ancestors were happy with the ceremony. The same day her mom was healed and released from the hospital a few days later. That experience left a big impression on me and deep inside knew that my connection with my ancestors was deeper.
Years later, I moved to Boston to continue my secular education. But I also tried to figure out what was wrong with me and started searching for spiritual help. I met an Afro-Puerto Rican lady who became my spiritual godmother and taught me about La Mesa Blanca, a spiritualist mass for the ancestors. She also taught me the power of prayer and how to connect with spirits. She became my godmother in Palo Mayombe, an initiatory form of spirituality that has Congo roots. This was powerful for me because afterwards, I was able to see and sometimes hear things. My life started to become better as I tended my spiritual altar called a boveda. However, I felt incomplete.
Thoughts of my Garifuna heritage and spirituality were always lingering but had no idea how to begin that leg of my spiritual journey. I did know, however, that I did not want to proceed in any other tradition before paying due homage to my own first. I left Boston for New York city. I became a part of a dance company called Hamalali Wayunago “The voice of our ancestors” and years later joined Chief Joseph Chatoyer Dance Company of which I am still a member. There is a bigger Garifuna community here in New York City. The cultural exposure allowed me to meet the person who became my Garifuna godmother and was able to consecrate my status as a Buyei in Honduras 2019. I truly felt satisfied and subsequently decided to move forward with other forms of spirituality and religious practices. I became a Yayi in Palo Mayombe which is the last initiation for a woman within the practice. Once that process was completed, I was consecrated as a priestess of Yemaya under Lukumi o Regla de Ocha. This journey completed me in so many ways. I was able to satisfy not only my Garifuna heritage but also my African legacy as my DNA results would show that I am 14% Indigenous from South America 83% African with Yoruba, and Congo roots. The experience has been a blessing; however, it has never been easy; The path requires faith, patience, and learning. I give thanks to the highest, Olofi, “Supreme God in the Yoruba Pantheon” for providing this path for me and I hope to continue to grow and learn. Also give thanks to having been surrounded by Lukumi Godmother and Godfather who are knowledgeable and overall good people whom I will forever cherish and ask for their blessing.
Tania Molina was born and raised in San Pedro Sula, Honduras currently lives in The Bronx, New York. She has a graduate degree in Economics and has worked in different financial institutions for 20+ years.
